How exciting. The year 2025 came in with a bang with an unexpected trip to Cruise ER. I wasn’t sure what clothes to take, but I knew it might be chilly, so I spent several minutes in my closet choosing grey sweats and stylish tops. My shoes were a furry lined Sketchers boat slip on, which I thought would be appropriate for late-night strolls. I grabbed a jacket just in case there might be storms.
Boarding the ship took a little bit of extra time because of all the passengers, but I was soon escorted to my private cabin. I chose economy so my accommodations were somewhat sparse. I settled into my plastic Lazy Boy-wanna-be chair, and one of the lovely cruise attendants welcomed me by extracting some of my blood, probably for the evening entertainment. She left the needle in my arm, and I waited and waited for the Vodka spike, but apparently, she forgot.
The shower curtain walls were very thin, and I heard one other guest complaining about not having dinner served. The director informed him that in order to get food service, he should have booked an upper-level deck cabin.
I got acquainted with my surroundings and noticed attached to my easy chair were the store tag and instructions on how to raise and lower the leg rest. How thoughtful. I also pushed some buttons that must have been there just for decoration. I searched for the plug in for my phone, but only found a landline plug in (the ship must have been built in the ‘70s) and something on the wall that resembled a speaker at drive-in movies.
My first excursion promised to be very electrifying. The cruise director plastered stickers all over my body and attached some tubes. I was hoping it would be like a futuristic flight to the moon ride, so I was a little disappointed when the doors didn’t open and propel my chair down a track.
For my second excursion, the director wheeled me down to a room with a beach scene on the ceiling. I suppose this was to add a calming effect while she took pictures of my belly with gooey jell and a cone. I was hoping the beach scene would change to the adventures of Star Trek for a more movie-like atmosphere.
Hopping back on the moving chair, I headed off to my third excursion. We flew down the corridor, and I waved at the other passengers in their lazy boy chairs sitting along the walls. I wondered which excursions they chose. This was a little more exciting as they placed me on a table and inserted some warming solution into my veins. It wasn’t quite the psychedelic feeling I was expecting but made the trip into the tube more enjoyable. My review of this excursion included a suggestion for a colorful light show.
My Cruise ER experience was a little disappointing, and I would not recommend it. The post-cruise instructions did state to drink plenty of clear liquids, so I was looking forward to the Chardonnay chilling in my refrigerator.